Santa Claus Visits Kensington

In Kensington High Street the pedestrians made way for the ranting homeless man in their midst. He was weaving erratically along the pavement, clutching a can of Special Brew and yelling at the top of his lungs, to nobody in particular, that he was, "Going to put you in a fucking grave, you wanking cunt!" I went into a cafe for a pot of tea and his roaring gradually receded from earshot as he disappeared down the shocked street.

 A bit later, I was browsing in the window of a bookshop and I heard the same man. This time he was in a happy frame of mind, performing to a group of teenage boys by banging with both grimy hands on a rubbish bin. After a while, he turned to them and yelled, 
"I don't need no fucking instrument to stand out in a fucking crowd!" 
Seeing their amusement, he tried his hand at some stand-up comedy, 
"They call me Santa Claus!...Hey, boys, why does Santa Claus live in the South Pole? The answer is L.O.L"

At this surreal non-sequitur the boys broke up with laughter. The man seemed happy to have been a hit and wandered off down the street, seemingly forgetting his earlier fatwa.

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