Narcissism Unbound

     Two women in their early-thirties sit at the next table, sharing their mindless psychobabble stories.
     "It took me a long time to love myself," one says, "but now I do love myself and I fully acknowledge that love. And because I now love myself other people are now able to love me because it's only when we love ourselves that the love of others can enter our boundaries."
     The other woman nods enthusiatically and reaches across the table to grasp her friend's hands with a wide, affirming smile. The friend continues.
     "I wish I knew the importance of self-love years ago, because I'd probably be in a successful relationship by now. But for the rest of my life I know that I am the most important person in my life. I try not to deny myself anything that I want. If I feel like buying something, I buy it. When I meet a new guy for the first time I think to myself, what can I get out of this person which will nurture me? It's time for me to rise to become the godess that I know is within."
     The other woman thinks about this idiot waffle for a few seconds, and then says, "When I eat salad I feel so filled and overflowing with power and natural feminine energy. But sometimes I really crave salty snack food, like Doritos." The first woman shakes her head at this.
     "Your heart will probably tell you that this is a mistake. The heart is like a big sponge, soaking up the impurities in the Doritos. When it gets overloaded with the cheese and salt it sends a message to the brain, telling it to send out more bone marrow to purify the blood with oxygen."
     "Yes", says her friend, "You can almost feel the wave of cleanliness as the body heals itself."
The other woman launches now into story about another friend of theirs.
     "Remember when Brenda had her cystitis? I kept telling her that it was potatoes and chocolate that were causing it. Potatoes and chocolate! They are the worst thing for cystitis. Potatoes and chocolate. She didn't listen. And when the doctor finally diagnosed her with cystitis I told her again that she should lay off potatoes and chocolate. And the very next day, there she was scoffing down a block of Cadbury fruit and nut!"

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