'Legend', and a Prodigious Member

   This afternoon I found myself in Baker Street and outside a cinema where 'Legend' was playing. I saw that the next session started in fifteen minutes, so I went downstairs (it was a basement cinema) and bought a ticket. The good looking young man behind the counter said that they had only sold four tickets. I expressed surprise and he said that people rarely came in to an afternoon session, but that the evenings are always packed. We then got talking about the brilliance of Tom Hardy, who we agreed was a very special actor.
    I checked my ticket and found my seat number in the dark. It was immediately behind a young Afro-Caribbean couple. They talked all the way through the advertisements, which for me is a cardinal sin for which I would hang, draw and quarter all perpetrators - when the lights go down, shut the hell up, even if it IS only the ads. 
   All through the promo for Michael Fassbender in 'Hamlet' the young man kept flicking through images on his large-format smart-phone: they were all of his cock, in various stages of tumescence. His girlfriend was advising him which ones she liked, and which she liked less.
"You should send them to Henry, innit?" she joked.
"I'll send them to your mum, for real", he replied, and then doubled up in laughter.
    The film started and I was gearing myself up to telling them to shut the hell up, but they fell silent and settled down peacefully, cock-shots turned off for the moment and tucked away in a pocket in the dark.
    It is a marvellous film! Tom Hardy is brilliant as the gangster twins. His Reggie Kray is a measured, restrained performance full of veiled menace and wounded pride. His unstable Ronnie Kray is a man whose increasingly bizarre behaviour erupts regularly throughout the film.
    David Thewlis is really excellent as the twins' accountant, and John Sessions is very good as Lord Boothby. The period detail was superb as was the use of actual locations pertinent to the story.
    The film finished and I walked back out with my four fellow viewers.
"Did you like Tom Hardy?" said the cashier with a smile.
"Magnificent" I replied.

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