Stretched Out Like Lady Muck

The middle-aged gay man sitting facing me on the train was relaying an elaborate story to his partner about an injury he had sustained the previous week.
   "Yes, it was dreadful! The pain spread from here all the way right up to here." With the flat of his hand he indicated the trajectory of the pain, from his left knee to his crotch, where it hovered, trembling, at the memory of the trauma. His friend's face crumpled in sympathy and he said,
   "That is definitely not an area you want to tangle with, pain-wise."
   "I know! And the thing is, I was laying full out on the floor, moaning like a rotten spastic, until Roger finally made an appearance, several hours late, surprise, surprise! And she never said a word when she saw me stretched out there in all my naked glory, like Lady Muck. Just went straight out to the kitchen to put the kettle on."
  "Well, she was never one to be observant, let's face it."
  "I mean, what did she think I was doing down there, listening for mice?"
  "But you're better now, so that's the main thing."
  "Yes. That's the last time I'll try that when I'm in the house on me own, I can tell you!"
   "Better not. Just to be on the safe side."