Hijacked by Balkan 'Pirates'

While I was out yesterday I decided I needed to replenish the hotel soap, which, being the size of a postage stamp, was not really up to my lavish lathering requirements. So I called into a little general store off Leicester Square which had an Internet cafe attached. As I collected my purchases (soap, shampoo, bottle of water, scotch egg for later) I heard an argument developing at the counter. Two young Balkan men were remonstrating with the Indian shopkeeper. They had just come from the Internet cafe and we're demanding their money back because, apparently, the manager of that place, "called me and him fucking cunts and go out of the shop and fuck off you fucking cunts!".... One of the young men was very attractive. The other resembled a toad.

The attractive one was waving his docket and demanding the return of £10 which he had not been able to use up yet. Shopkeeper said he needed to check with the Internet man next door. He rang the man and announced that there was only £5 left on the docket, which he would gladly refund.

Attractive Balkan: "No...No...No...NO! He called us fuck off out shop and cunt us! Give all £10 back. No one gets serves in you fucking shop you no pay!" And with that he stood at the counter and stretched out his arms along the width of it.

Toad Balkan turned to me apologetically, smiled, revealing a gold tooth, and said sorry for the delay. I began to warm to him and started to feel more sympathetic to their plight.

Shopkeeper said he would call the police. Attractive Balkan said, "Yes, do call fucking policeman. I don't care. You pay fucking £10 problem gone away. Cannot he call fucking cunt on us and take money."

A queue had by now backed up in the shop, waiting to buy their items. The police told the shopkeeper they were on the way. I put my shampoo and soap and scotch egg down on the ice cream fridge and walked away from the shop, the image of the twinkly Balkan pirate tooth pleasantly replaying itself as I reached my tube station.






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